The Hard Lessons brought their son out to say 'hello'
to a sold out crowd at St. Andrew's
Life seems to move faster and faster with every year that goes by, it seems like it gets harder and harder for me to get things done. Some days I can barely manage to get myself through the day, which is why I am perplexed by people who have children. How the fuck do they get everything done, work, and take care of all the needs of another person? It seems nearly impossible to me, and yet I have been watching a lot of my friends pull it off flawlessly. This upcoming week I have the holidays with the family and then a lot of events to attend, including a few x-mas parties and a few shows. I''m sitting her feeling overwhelmed and the fun hasn't even started yet! It occurred to me that a lot of the people who are playing these shows also happen to have children, which made me ask the question, how the hell do bands keep it going once they have children?
We all know that being in a band is a lot more than getting on the stage and rocking out. Practicing, writing, recording, booking shows, playing, marketing, and the making and selling of merch is all part of the job. What if you also had to find a babysitter? I decided to talk to a few local musicians who made quite a name for themselves over the years before they had kids, and somehow kept it going. I talked to Monday Busque and Ryan Allen of
Destroy this Place and Augie and Korin, a.k.a
The Hard Lessons. Destroy this Place will be playing
Black Christmas on the 26th at
The Majestic Complex and The Hard Lessons will be headlining their annual
Post Christmas Blowout on the 26th at
The Loving Touch. Both bands are not only active but have a pretty solid fan base that expects them to come out and show the fans a great time. What I found is that not a single one of these people see having a child as a roadblock to music, instead this life change gave them new reasons to make music.
Check out my interview and make sure to head out and support one of these great bands this Friday!
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| Santino playing drums with his dad |
HID- What band are you in?
Augie- "The Hard Lessons"
HID- How long were you in a band before you had a child?
Augie- "8 years"
HID- How many children do you have and what are their ages?
Korin- "Our first son Santino is three and a half and we have another on the way due in May.
HID- How do you think having children has changed your ability to be in a band and play music?
Augie- "Our band is an extra unique situation because mom AND dad are both in the band. I have some musician friends who are married and don’t have to get a sitter every time they rehearse or play a show. With us, it is a huge ordeal to do any band-related activities because we have to make serious arrangements for the little man!"
Korin- "It is ironic because the both of us being in the band is what saved our relationship. We got to tour Europe together, instead of one of us partying in France while the other was going to school and working two jobs. Constant touring was never a strain on our relationship."
HID- Have your children ever seen you play live?
Augie- "Our son Santino was at
DIY Street Fair when we played last year and at some point in the set I pointed him out and said hello and he did the most perfect little parade wave to the crowd. It was hilarious."
Korin- "I think our son thinks everyone’s parents have records and sing songs and are on the radio. We were watching YouTube videos and a Hard Lessons video was recommended for us and he watched it and was so matter-of-fact that it was his parents."
HID- What do your children think of your music when they hear it on the radio?
Augie- "At first Sonny didn’t like music. Or he knew that it would hurt me to say that! He looked at me at the kitchen table one day and said, “Papa, I NO like music." My heart broke! I started imagining I was going to have to learn how to play sports."
Korin- "We recorded a song about Santino called “My Kind” and pressed it on a one-sided vinyl 45. On the blank backside we had him stamp his foot. It is an incredibly special song for us, and we made it available to our fans as well in limited quantity. I hope one day he realizes how much we love him and wanted to do something super special for him."
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| Santino putting his footprint on every copy of The Hard Lessons Nirvana inspired cover |
HID- Do you tour?
Korin- "We toured for 6 years straight. We were being gone for more and more time, but deep down we knew we wanted a family. The turning point for us was getting asked to open a couple months of shows for They Might Be Giants. When we turned that down, we knew we had drawn a line in the sand and were easing away from that life."
Augie- "Since our son’s birth we’ve been to New York, Chicago, and around Michigan and Ohio playing shows, but long-term touring is not an option for us anymore. We just sold our van to The Beggars. We’re happy to see it live on."
HID- If you tour, how does that work with children?
Augie- "I do have to say I’m so sick of people asking us why we don’t tour WITH our kid and then getting told the insert-some-super-rich-band does it. When we toured we played late, got wild, and slept on floors. Not really the types of places where you set up a Pack-N-Play."
HID- What advice do you have for musicians that are also planning on having a family?
Augie- "Get your priorities straight. I have to be honest, at first it was a really hard transition for me to leave the late nights behind and dive into fatherhood. But three years later, I look forward to getting up at 6:00 a.m. and putting on some T. Rex while my son dances in his pajamas."
HID- Do you hope that your child plays music someday?
Korin- "I pushed for us to get a real piano in our house. Santino is just old enough to reach the keys and he loves banging on them and singing. I would absolutely love for him to learn some of the instruments we have lying around the house. If he learns drums, we can really keep the band all in the family."
HID- What is the one thing that no one prepares you for as far as having children goes?
Augie- "Everything."
HID- Anything else that you want us to know about playing in a band and having kids?
Korin- "There are so many cool moments raising kids with music. One of my favorites has to be the video Augie took of Santino mis-hearing the lyrics to The Stooges and singing “Happy Alright” instead of “I feel alright.” Kids are so innocent and pure. It’s a good reminder to leave behind some of the cynicism and frustration that comes from years of playing in bands or in a scene."
Augie- "Yes! He’s made us appreciate what we have with our band, and not just because he’s made it so much harder!"
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| Ryan Allen with his son Emitt |
HID- What band are you in?
Ryan Allen- "Destroy This Place"
HID- How long were you in a band before you had a child?
RA- "I’ve been playing music live since I was around 15 years old, so a pretty long-ass time. Destroy This Place started in August of 2010. My son was born July of 2011."
HID- How many children do you have and what are their ages?
RA- "I have one insanely awesome little dude. His name is Emitt, and he’s 3 1/2 going on 13."
HID- How do you think having children has changed your ability to be in a band and play music?
RA- "To be honest, it’s only changed it for the better. Instead of practicing “whenever,” we practice once a week, usually the same day at the same time (typically on a weekend, when he’s napping). It’s made it easier to commit to a schedule and in turn, we’ve been pretty productive.
It’s also helped us make better choices. It’s tough to play a Tuesday night gig as it is sometimes, especially when you also have a full-time job. But when a 3 year old is up at 6:30 and wants to watch "Superhero Squad", you better get your ass up and help him out.
The last thing I’d say is that having dudes with multiple kids in the band helps us make good choices about the things we want to do and the things we don’t. We have to be a little more selective, which typically works out in our favor. It also really motivates us to put all our energy into the things that we do get to do because we are spending time away from hanging out with the kids while we do silly band shit. In short, it helps us be smarter."
HID- Have your children ever seen you play live?
RA- "Yeah! Both Monday and I have kids, and they’ve all seen us play. Usually our slots at DIY have been early enough where the kids can come and toddler-mosh to our jams, which usually results in them stealing the spotlight from us - and we’re very much ok with that."
HID- What did they think?
RA- "I think they really dig it. The older Emitt gets, the more he gets into music. Recently he’s been super obsessed with the band Ex Hex. He likes to watch live videos of them playing, and even knows the people in the bands’ names. He thinks they are infinitely cooler than we are (which is true). But generally speaking, he knows I play guitar and sing and go to band practice and do gigs and he’s into it - unless I’m strumming my six-string while he’s watching an episode of “Wild Kratts”…then it’s “DADAAAAAA! STOP SINGING!""
HID- What do your children think of your music when they hear it on the radio?
RA- "That’s assuming anybody in their right mind would play us on the radio (well maybe they would if it was the 1996 version of 89X). But if it’s ever on in the car or the stereo at home, he usually can pick up on the fact that it’s “us.” There’s two singers in the band, and it’s pretty wild to hear him pick up on what songs I sing on as opposed to which ones John sings. He’s very observant, and his ability to differentiate something like that blows my mind."
HID- Do you tour?
RA- "We’ve done a few out of town things since he’s been born. It’s really not a huge deal to be away for a few days here and there. We wouldn’t really be able to tour for weeks or months at a time, which is fine, because at this point, I wouldn’t want to be away from him that long anyway."
HID- If you tour, how does that work with children?
RA- "Again, we’ve done a few out of towners (actually quite a few 2 summers ago when our last album came out) and it’s totally fine. We’re all lucky that our wives are cool with flying solo for a few days. At this point in life (aka mid-30s), it’s actually a lot more sane of a move - financially and mentally - to just do a long weekend, rather than be gone forever."
HID- What advice do you have for musicians that are also planning on having a family?
RA- "Don’t stop playing just because you have a kid! My son is an endless source of inspiration, and has only made me a better musician and songwriter. Sharing your love of music - listening and playing - with a child is one of life’s greatest gifts. I think people use the “I have a kid now” excuse to just stop doing the things they love, and all that does is make you resent your kid. Who wants to do that? Make time for yourself and your family and you’ll be a happier person."
HID- Do you hope that your child plays music someday?
RA- "Of course! But if he’s not into it, I’m not going to force him to be. Growing up, my dad played music around the house, and let me fuck around with his instruments, but NEVER sat me down and said, “I’m teaching you how to play guitar now.” He let me discover it in my own way, and when I was ready to have him help me figure out how to play guitar, I approached him and he was more than happy to help. I plan on approaching it the same way. Emitt has a guitar and my parents just got him a drum set, so that stuff will be out and there for him to mess around with, but I’ll never make him play it if he doesn’t want to. Bob Pollard from Guided by Voices has kids, and I’m pretty sure they don’t play music. They are like all-star sports guys in college or something, and it’s cool, because even though their dad is like, a rock legend, they are doing their own thing. I’m down with that approach."
HID- What is the one thing that no one prepares you for as far as having children goes?
RA- "Picking one is nearly impossible, but I’d say there’s no way to prepare yourself for how quickly it all goes by. It seems like one second they are this little beautiful ball of flesh, crying and shitting everywhere, and the next, they are this opinionated, hilarious, and brilliant little person talking to you about the craziest stuff. It’s all pretty awesome, though."
HID- Anything else that you want us to know about playing in a band and having kids?
RA- "Get them some awesome protective headphones so they can come watch you rock out and don’t have to worry about damaging their l’il ears in the process."
.JPG) |
| Monday's two little wrestlers |
HID- What band are you in?
Monday Busque- "Destroy This Place"
HID- How long were you in a band before you had a child?
MB- "I've been in bands since I was 17 years old, and I had my first kid when I was 32…so a long time!"
HID- How many children do you have and what are their ages?
MB- "I have two boys, ages 5 and 7. I also have a 17 year old stepson."
HID- How do you think having children has changed your ability to be in a band and play music?
MB- "It certainly makes me have to divide my time a lot more, but my wife is pretty awesome and supportive so having kids really hasn't affected my ability to be in a band. It actually makes me more appreciative of playing."
HID- Have your children ever seen you play live? What did they think?
MB- "They have seen my band play at DIY Festival. They thought it was pretty fun and they danced around in front of the stage."
HID- What do your children think of your music when they hear it on the radio?
MB- "We haven't been played on the radio, but we do have a music video on YouTube for our song "Graves", and they giggled a lot."
HID- Do you tour?
MB- "Not in the traditional sense. In the summer of 2013 we had three different stints of 3 to 4 shows over weekends. If we totaled our shows for that summer it came out to about 10 out-of-state shows. We play out of shows when we can, but it's not as often as we would like."
HID- If you tour, how does that work with children?
MB- "Again, my wife is pretty rad, so she has no problem taking care of the kids while I'm gone. I do miss them terribly when I was away, but in our age of smartphones it's pretty easy to see their faces and talk to them."
HID- What advice do you have for musicians that are also planning on having a family?
MB- "It can totally be done, having a family and having a band. And having a family makes you work harder and appreciate your band time. Also, it's important for your kids to see you as someone more than just a parent."
HID- Do you hope that your child plays music someday?
MB- "Absolutely. I'd sorta be sad if they didn't at least play in a school band or orchestra. Music is really important in our house."
HID- What is the one thing that no one prepares you for as far as having children goes?
MB- "You can read all the parenting books, websites and advice columns you want, but kids will find a way to confound and challenge you, but it's rewarding all the same."
HID- Anything else that you want us to know about playing in a band and having kids?
MB- "Make sure your kids don't listen to shitty music."
Apparently having kids is not a excuse to keep on rocking in the free world, it is a reason to do so! You can purchase tickets to The Hard Lessons - Post Christmas Blowout
here. Tickets to see Destroy This Place at Black Christmas are available
here.
~S
